


The Genesis Child

by wormy_business



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Gabriel and Beelzebub have a baby, I have plans, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Other, big big plans!, big plans for big sad, its baby time in the IB household, its cute but be warned, two idiot immortals struggle to raise their all-powerful offspring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 10:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormy_business/pseuds/wormy_business
Summary: After a late night with Beelzebub, Gabriel finds himself in the strange predicament of being with child. Reaching to help from a pair of traitorous rebels seems to be their only option, along with reading lots of parenting books. But what will the mommy blogs advice be when your child is the all-powerful offspring of an angel and a demon, who begins to develop incredible powers at a young age?
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	1. The Test

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for 3 months. If I'm slow to update chapters please don't execute me.

As Gabriel sat on the bed of a rather fancy hotel, he tapped his index finger against his temple wondering why things could never just be simple. Ever since the world didn’t end, he felt like he had no direction. Before it was easy, prepare for war, train, and on the not-so-rare occasion be diplomatic with his counterpart in Hell. But his world had been turned completely on its head and he’d had absolutely no time to prepare for it. He had been with Beelzebub in the past few months more than he ever had previously, and though the initial subject of their meetings were always work related it would be a lie to say nothing ever escalated, and an Archangel knows better not to lie. The two fo them had had a bit of a romp several weeks earlier, and since then things just hadn’t felt right for Gabriel. He heard a click, and the door to the hotel room swung open, accompanied by a gentle buzzing made from the fly who sat atop Beelzebub’s head. They walked into the room and looked Gabriel up and down, a smirk stretching across their face.

“You zeem eager, calling me to a fancy hotel like thiz.”

Gabriel felt a warm blush reach across the bridge of his nose and out to his cheeks. It was golden and sparkled, just as all angel’s do. 

“It’s not like that! I, I called you here because I’ve been having some, issues.” He squirmed nervously in his spot on the bed, and Beelzebub took to a chair just across from him.

“What do you mean?” They asked, their head falling lazily to the side.

“I mean, well,” Gabriel’s entire face was beginning to look golden, “I trust you remember our meeting a few weeks ago?”

Beelzebub raised their eyebrows at him. They had been decidedly adventurous that night, Gabriel had requested they try something new and Beelzebub had been happy to indulge in his wishes. They remembered alright,  _ damn _ did they remember.

“How could I forget? I had you in a whining puddle on the bed, had to tie you down and everything so you’d let me-”

“YES WELL!” Gabriel interjected suddenly and loudly, his entire face down to his neck shining with a golden blush. “I seem to be having some, issues.” 

Beelzebub slouched back against the chair again. “And what might those be?”

“I can’t make it go away.” Gabriel made a vague motion at his crotch, garnering an eyebrow raise from Beelzebub.

“Well what do you want me to do about it?” They asked, starting to sound rather annoyed. 

“Well, I don’t know! This has never happened before! Is this a normal thing when one manifests, those parts?”

“Don’t know, never had one.” Beelzebub began smirking again. “You sure you’re dispelling it right?”

“Of course I am! At least, I should be. I’ve had this form for over six thousand years, I have only once been discorporated, I know how my body and my magic and my miracles work.”

“Apparently not.” Beelzebub was doing their best to hide their laughter, but the fly atop their head was buzzing with excitement. 

“Please be serious, I am very much concerned with this.”

“Gabey baby, I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Help me!”

“And how do you expect me to do that?”

Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest, then winced and pulled them away to lightly brush a finger over his chest. “Ow. . .” He muttered under his breath.

Beelzebub furrowed their brow as they watched the Archangel. “That’zz not my fault, izz it?” They asked, their tone immediately shifting.

“What? Oh, no, no I don’t think so. We didn’t do any of that last time.” Gabriel watched as Beelzebub’s body relaxed again. “But thats another thing! Some of these weird pains persist even after I heal them. I’m a little worried, Bee.”

“Can’t you just go to some proper healer? Is Sabriel too busy or something?”

“I can heal! Sure it may not be as good as Sabriel but I know my own self well enough I should be able to heal myself. Besides, they would ask so many intrusive questions of me and I don’t really want to tell them why I have manifested,” Gabriel cleared his throat and spoke rather quietly the next few words, “womanly parts.”

“Just say vagina!” Beelzebub blurted out through stifled laughter.

“This isn’t funny!”

Beelzebub took many deep breaths, their fly still buzzing loudly. “It’zz, a little funny.” They stated before clearing their throat. “Really, I don’t know what you want me to do! Next thing your gonna tell me is that you’ve been having morning sickness and you’ve mizzed your period.”

Gabriel turned his eyes away from Beelzebub, something akin to shame written on his face.

“What’s that look for?” They inquired.

“I, well I have been feeling rather, unwell these last few days. Of course, I don’t sleep so I can’t say exactly  _ when _ it occurs, but.” He didn’t finish his sentence, he just made a vague motion with his hands.

“Gabriel,” Beelzebub asked, standing up as their fly became silent. “Are you pregnant?”

“What?!” Gabriel exclaimed in shock, then shook his head. “No! No, I can’t, of course not! Don’t be ridiculous, Bee.” 

“Are you sure?” They prodded further. 

“That, is that even,  _ possible _ ? An angel and a demon? No that can’t, that couldn’t happen, could it?”

“It sure zoundzz like it’z happening.” Beelzebub sighed and walked to the bathroom, ignoring Gabriel’s calls after them. They returned with a glass of water they had filled at the tap, and they handed it to Gabriel. “Quit whining and drink thizz.” They spoke in a rather demanding tone. 

Gabriel sighed, deciding not to argue with Beelzebub and drink the water. “There, are you happy?” He asked, placing the empty cup on the bedside table. 

“Wait here, I have to go get zomething.” Beelzebub spoke as they walked in strides to the door.

“Get what?!” Gabriel snapped at them.

“Juzt zztay here!” Beelzebub snapped back before leaving.

Gabriel grumbled, and laid back on the bed. His mind was racing. He could barely hold onto a single thought for too long before it was replaced by another. Was it possible for an angel to become impregnated by a demon? Nothing like this had ever happened before. What would the child look like? What powers might it be able to possess? Should he ask God about this? No, he couldn’t even tell Sandalphon or Michael or Uriel. None of the archangels could know. They didn’t even know if he was pregnant yet! But what would they do if he was? He didn’t know the first thing about babies or raising children, and he doubted Beelzebub was much more knowledgeable on the subject. He couldn’t stay in heaven with a baby, where would he go? Would Beelzebub even want to stay with him? What if they didn’t? What if they were angry? It wasn’t entirely his fault, if he even was pregnant, Beelzebub had helped in the process. 

So consumed by his thoughts and anxiety, he didn’t register the sound of Beelzebub returning to the room. He only noticed when a box was thrown haphazardly at his face, causing him to shoot up in bed. The box fell into his hands and he looked at it, reading the text “at-home pregnancy test”. He looked up at Beelzebub, who motioned lazily to the bathroom. 

“You have to piss on it.” They explained, monotone.

Gabriel made a face, disgusted by the thought of  _ expelling waste _ from his celestial and holy body, he felt the urge to dry heave for a moment and covered his mouth, garnering a scoff from his partner.

“Quit whining!” They chided, giving Gabriel a smack on the thigh as they sat back down in the chair they had taken when they first arrived.

Gabriel grumbled about how revolting it was to consume matter and later expel it from one’s body, leaving Beelzebub to nervously tap their fingers together. The fly on their head buzzed louder and louder with each minute that passed, waiting for Gabriel to return. When the door finally opened, Gabriel presented the results of the test to Beelzebub.

Two lines, clear as the rain pattering against the hotel window. Gabriel is pregnant.


	2. The Second Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know it's been like 5 months since I last updated this fic, but shit happens, y'know?  
Gabriel and Beelzebub search out a second opinion.

Gabriel paced around the hotel room, hands tangled in his hair, purple eyes wide with panic. 

“What are we going to do? What am  _ I _ going to do?!” 

Beelzebub was still sitting in the chair, their legs now pulled up and a bag of chips in their lap. They were eating from the bag at a frightful pace, yet the bag never seemed to drop in quantity. Being the embodiment of gluttony meant indulging was their way to cope.

“Beelzebub, please!” Gabriel pleaded.

“I don’t know! I don’t know the first thing about babies!” Beelzebub responded with shaking hands. 

“How is this even possible? We’re completely different entities! This shouldn’t be possible!”

“I was an angel once, we’re of the same original stock!” Beelzebub snapped, the fly on their head buzzing with intensity. 

“That doesn’t change the fact that,” Gabriel caught himself before he mentioned the fall, “that we’re different now and things like this shouldn’t happen!”

“Well you having a bitch fit and panicking about it isn’t going to solve anything.”

“And you being passive and stuffing your face isn’t gonna solve it either!”

“I’m _ stressed! _ ”Beelzebub shouted. “I’m gluttony, it’s what I do! Would you rather I light a cigarette and smoke a pack right here and now?! Cause those are your two options, mister high-and-mighty!”

Gabriel took a few breaths and began running his hands through his hair again, his hands now shaking. 

“Look,” Beelzebub said, back to their normal tone as the stood up, abandoning their chips. “I think we’re both, we’re both definitely panicking right now. Let’s just, sit on the bed together and try to, try to think of a solution.”

Gabriel nodded his head and sat slowly on the bed, with Beelzebub following suit. The two of them sat quietly for several moments before Gabriel spoke again.

“I can’t have a baby. What am I going to tell Her? I can’t let all of Heaven know I’m with-child. There would be so many questions, and I wouldn’t be able to explain myself at all.”

Beelzebub looked at Gabriel, watched as he chewed on his fingernails, one hand crossed across his lower stomach.

“I can’t exactly bring a baby back to Hell with me. Not a good environment. I mean, Nephilim babies aren’t exactly  _ rare _ but they certainly don’t stick around in Hell, and they certainly wouldn’t be near me.”

Gabriel looked at Beelzebub, but only for a quick moment before he turned his gaze back to the patterned carpet of the hotel floor. 

“It can’t stay with me, it can’t stay with you, and we certainly couldn’t give it to human parents, could we?”

Beelzebub immediately shook their head. “No. Out of the question. Look, we have to think about this child’s powers. Adam is the result of two demons. This child will be half from each side. The way I see it, either our powers will cancel each other out and the child will only carry mild abilities though life, or the child could absorb powers from both of us equally and become more powerful than the Antichrist could have ever been.” 

Gabriel was silent again, lingering on those words. 

“There has to be some kind of, neutral party, right? Who runs purgatory, these days?”

Beelzebub shook their head. “Not my department. I’d have to check with Dagon, see if she knows anything. Last thing I checked it was just a pre-programmed mindscape for souls that lived relatively neutral lives. Not good enough for Heaven, not bad enough for Hell.”

“Who else, then? We have to think of something, some kind of plan!”

Beelzebub took a deep breath through their nose, and looked full on at Gabriel. “Well,” they started, folding their hands in their lap. “There is  _ one _ couple that comes to mind, though I don’t know how keen you’ll be on the idea of talking to them.”

Gabriel furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Oh, no. You can’t, not them! They betrayed both of us!”

“I don’t know if I’d call it a betrayal.”

“Bee! We can’t!” Gabriel insisted, lightly tapping his foot on the ground.

“Well, do you have any better ideas?”

_ A bell chimed delicately overhead. _

“Ah, just a minute! I’ll be right out!” a voice called from a back room. 

“Angel, wait!” Crowley snapped, grabbing Azirphale’s sleeve before he could make it out into his bookshop. “Don’t go out there, I don’t like the smell of this.”

“Crowley dear whatever are you talking about? Don’t be ridiculous, and stop making faces!” Aziraphale gave him a light smack on his arm, causing Crowley to retract his forked tongue back into his mouth.

Before Crowley could give Aziraphale a proper warning, he was out of his office and inside his bookshop. Waiting patiently by the door, was Beelzebub and Gabriel. The former had their arms crossed over their chest, and the latter stood with his arms behind his back, feeling as awkward as ever. After all, one of the last things he had said to Aziraphale was “shut your stupid mouth and die already”. Aziraphale was soon joined by Crowley, who swung his arm around his angels shoulders, and with a snap shut the blinds and locked the doors in the bookshop.

“Didn’t we tell you lot to quit comin’ round here?” Crowley asked, keeping a tight, protective hold on Aziraphale.

“Yes!” The angel next to him stammered. “You aren’t meant to be around us!”

Beelzebub held their hands up as they spoke. “This is more of a personal visit, if we’re being honest.” They explained.

“Yes! In fact, we would quite appreciate it if we could have a private talk with the two of you? A private talk containing highly secret information that is not to be shared with any higher management?”

Crowley made a face, clearly not trusting the two that stood before him. “Dunno. Sounds like a trap to me.” He sneered, not removing his arm from Aziraphale’s shoulder. 

“Here, take a look at this then.” Beelzebub set something wrapped in a plastic bag on the floor, and kicked it to Aziraphale and Crowley. As soon as they did this, Gabriel’s cheeks turned a bright gold.

Aziraphale made a face to match Crowley’s as the bag stopped a few centimeters away from his foot. “Why would you bring that here to my bookshop?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie guys, that’s pretty disgusting, even for you.” Crowley confirmed, motioning his head towards Beelzebub.

“No, you-” Beelzebub caught themself, not wanting to insult the people they had come to for help. “It’s not like I picked it up off the street! It’s Gabriel’s.”

Sitting on the floor in front of them, wrapped carefully in a plastic sandwich bag, was Gabriel’s positive pregnancy test.

“Well,” Aziraphale spoke up, breaking the silence that had befallen the group.”I suppose this does require a private meeting.”


End file.
